CHRISTMAS-JOKES.INFO the best place on the internet to find hilariously funny Christmas Jokes. Humorous jokes about Santa, reindeers, Christmas carols, presents, elves and so much more . . . a laugh a day - every day. Remember - jokes are not JUST for XMAS!

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JOKES

Christmas Jokes

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Christmas pun

Reindeer Jokes

Knock Knock

AOLer's Christmas

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A Car For Christmas

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email from Santa

Christmas Card

Reindeer jokes

Barbie at Xmas

Christmas Parrot

Clean Living

Kid meets Santa

Bethlehem story

Snow Jokes

Xmas weather

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What I want

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Santa Is A Woman

Santa's marriage

Snowmen jokes

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Are you a Grinch

Drunk at xmas

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Christmas Shopping

Santa Excuse me

Laugh on boxing day

Bruning Candle

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Jacks and the beanstalk

What did Adam say

Cinderella and Chemist

Comb for Christmas ?

What did the big candle say?

Singing monkeys

Chimney on Christmas Eve ?

Apple and Christmas tree ?

Train driver at Christmas

December only

Father Christmas stuck in chimney

Aladdin's pet

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Christmas in England ?

Whats happens at Christmas ?

Scariest pantomime

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Father Christmas down the chimney

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Santa on Christmas Eve

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CAROLS

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Santa mugged

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Reindeer strike

Santa security

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Christmas stocking

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Strange Santa

 
 
 
Santa Is A Woman - scientific proof at xmas

Santa Claus Is A Woman!!!!


I know that Santa Claus is a woman....

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing
social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull
it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind
of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with
amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping
spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco
products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You
might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my
husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th
hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa
is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would
wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the
tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and
strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate
claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already
be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation
problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and
clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the
fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the
Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the
flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas
fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to
straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen
with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest
as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability
to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.........
- Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
Definite guy.
- Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
- Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.
But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good
will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas
Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

 
 

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